Holiday (hol-i-day) 1. n: A day when it is traditional to suspend business to honor a person or event. 2. Festival 3. Celebration. Root: Holy + Day.

Proverbial hiccups are the worst kind. If you’re a guy, the best way to avoid them is to get married. That way, 90% of all your holiday preparation – shopping, cooking, decorating, etc. – takes care of itself and you can focus on game day.

If you’re not a guy, take the giblets out of the turkey before roasting. Try to remember that your friends and family come together to be near you, not to critique how you arranged the table. More Mary, less Martha.

If you’re hell-bent on shopping the day after Thanksgiving, you’re going to get hiccups. I usually fake a tummy-ache Thanksgiving night to get out of chauffeuring to sales at 5:AM on Friday.

If you’re not good at shopping, kids like toys, women like chocolate, and men like beef jerky. In case other people aren’t good at shopping, drop hints to help them out. For example, lot’s of people who write for the newspaper like getting pipe tobacco or scotch.

While shopping, putting money in the Salvation Army bucket helps you feel good about yourself. It’s OK to do it more than once. Diamonds are just rocks, but a DUI is forever, so don’t get yourself the gift that keeps on giving for the New Year.

Given that the word “Holiday” is an amalgamation of “Holy” and “Day,” it’s a good idea to invite God to your festivities. I would have used the word prudent, but people associate that word with being a prude. That’s not what God had in mind when He prescribed holidays in the Bible.

When He gave the “Law” to Moses, it was littered with instructions to have feasts, Sabbaths, jubilees, and festivals throughout the calendar. The idea was to celebrate and enjoy the abundance that He has lavished upon us. You want your kids to enjoy the gifts you give them. So does He. Don’t leave Him out of the party. Give thanks.

That’s the true secret to getting through the holidays without the hiccups.

Mike VanOuse

Lafayette