The other day, as my family watched the “Simpsons”, Homer talked about how when you’re young, you dream of being a rock star, “but then some babe sinks her claws into you, and you wind up in a dead-end job, watching yourself get fat and bald.”

My wife looked at my son and said, “Your poor dad.”

I was gonna be a rock star: the drummer for the Drunken Garage Band. I had big plans for all that money: own a fleet of ’68 Cameros; get a helicopter; amass a gun collection; and build a skyscraper.

That’s what the “me generation” did in the ‘70’s & ‘80’s: plan for all the things we were going to buy for ourselves. Lot’s of us made it. That’s where the term “Yuppie” came from – Young Urban Professionals. And “Dinks” – Dual Income, No Kids: droves of 20 or 30-somethings driving around in BMW’s, sitting in Jacuzzi’s, sipping imported liqueur, and talking on cell-phones. Life is good.

After a decade or so of that decadent lifestyle, it apparently lost its luster, because they all tuned in to Oprah and bought “The Purpose Driven Life” to find meaning. Not me. I already found mine.

The day I witnessed my wife go through the agony of childbirth (I accidentally pulled out her epidural helping her push), I gained a respect for her I never imagined. And when my newborn son grasped my finger before ever opening his eyes, I was awed by how fragile and helpless he was. Suddenly everything I did mattered. My family depended on me. My dead-end job now served a larger purpose than just getting stuff.

When I was a teenager, I was told, “Live it up while you’re young, because as soon as you get married and have kids, fun-time stops.” That’s the worst piece of drivel I ever latched onto. If I’d have known how great having kids was, I’d have started cranking them out early. It’s more fulfilling than a big screen TV, a condo on the beach, or a European car.

I don’t have any of those things. I’ve got a happy family. You can take that with you. Being fat and bald might be a problem if I was concerned about picking-up chicks, but I’m not. The best deed I ever did was let some babe sink her claws into me.

Mike VanOuse
Lafayette